Scotch
by mrscribble
Summary: He reached for the scotch." Remus realises - all too late. Cutscene from It All Comes From a Chronic Chocoholic. RLNT


**Scotch**

Remus Lupin's life was, in his opinion, an utter and complete mess. Not only was he unemployed, had no income of gold whatsoever, and was currently a virginal thirty-seven year old werewolf, but he was completely out of his wits to feel -_ it_ - whenever she was there.

It wasn't so much a feeling of physical desire that he felt whenever he saw Nymphadora Tonks, but an emotion that rose from somewhere near his navel. A very fizzy, warm, and fluffy emotion, at that. This bubbly sensation had driven him to the edge of insanity. Always, in a crowd, he would hope to see Tonks there, just a glimpse of her bright tresses and colourful personality; at close quarters, the wolf which usually lay dormant (that is, when the full moon was not approaching) would be howling lustily, urging Remus to give in to his primal instincts.

Remus couldn't stand this emotion of his. As much as he tried to suppress it, Remus couldn't deny that this - this sweet, sugary, most tantalizing thrill whenever he saw her - was taking over his life. He couldn't do a thing without wondering - what was she doing? Was she happy? Did Tonks feel the same way he did?

As much as he would have liked it, Remus always dismissed the little clues giving away _her_ attraction to _him_ as just little mistakes, slip-ups, or really just nothing at all. This constant denial was wearing him down, but he was absolutely sure that Tonks felt nothing towards him. After all, Remus Lupin was a lonely, humble, poor man - and even not really even a man at all, a _werewolf_. What would a pretty, energetic young thing like she want with Remus?

It was in a rather depressed state that a cheerful Sirius found his best friend. Tugging on Remus' greying brown hair, Sirius sat down next to the man on the sofa in the library of Twelve Grimmauld Place. "Depressed, much?" the raven-haired man commented with a smirk. He watched as Remus took a deep swig of the amber-coloured alcohol sitting on the table in front of him. His Adam's apple bobbing furiously as he swallowed the burning liquid, Remus ignored the man next to him.

Sirius sighed deeply, propping his bare feet on the coffee table. "You're not still mad at me for giving you and Tonks that potion, are you?" he asked. "You'd both end up falling for each other anyway," Sirius added, a note of regretfulness in his voice.

Remus put the half-empty bottle down on the table; it gave way to a loud clink. He looked at Sirius, his eyes hardening. "Sirius Black," he said coldly, "you are insufferable."

Sirius looked slightly offended at this, but a grin quickly made it on to his once-handsome features. "Does that mean you're going to tell her?"

"Tell her what?" Remus tried feigning ignorance, and took another long drink from the glass bottle of scotch.

"Tell her you _fancy_ her, you great prat!" Sirius cried, exasperated. "You'd think a person like you would know what to do! That's what you're supposed to _do_ to get rid of the effects of the potion! For _Merlin_'s sake, Moony, won't you stop being so stubborn? You'll lose your chance soon! For Merlin's sake, she's just now gone on a bloody _date _with some man from the _Ministry_! It wouldn't kill you to let yourself love someone, you great big idiot!"

Immediately, Sirius knew he'd gone too far. Remus dropped the almost-empty bottle on the low table, glass crashing on polished wood with a loud _CLANK_, and stormed out of the room. After a few seconds, Sirius heard the loud noise of the front door slamming; consequently, Mrs. Black started shrieking.

"_WEREWOLVES! PEASANTS! SHAPE-SHIFTING FREAKS! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE SUCH FILTH AND DIRT, NOT FIT TO GROVEL AT MY FEET, GRIME WHICH DIRTY MY NOBLE HOUSE_!"

Sirius shook his head, sighing, and wearily rubbed his face with his hands.

* * *

Remus Lupin slammed the door behind him, furious. Forcing himself to calm down, and trying to soothe the angry feeling that rose in his heart every time he thought of Tonks, Sirius, or Grimmauld Place, he took a few steps, which turned into a rather quick walk. After walking a considerable distance, working off the steam that was infiltrating his self-controlled emotions, Remus Apparated to the Leaky Cauldron, where he slid tiredly into a seat at the bar.

Tom, the old barman, came around the bar and slid into the seat next to Remus. "Bad day?" Tom asked sympathetically. Dangerous as people said werewolves were, Tom was a kind, gentle man, who always chatted with Remus when he came in for a drink, or just a long talk.

Remus nodded. "The usual, if you please," he murmured softly. Tom grinned toothlessly, and in a few seconds, he was back with a glass of bubbly amber liquid.

Remus looked down into the glass before taking a deep drink. He sighed wearily as Tom stood up, looking thoughtfully down at his middle-aged acquaintance. Tom shook his head. "Tell you what, it's on the house. I'll better be back to my customers. Take care, Lupin."

Remus managed a weak smile, then stared back down into the depths of his glass. What was he thinking, taking an interest in such a pretty young woman as Tonks? It ought to be _illegal_; after all, Remus was almost fourteen years older than the woman! He was almost old enough to be her father. Remus groaned inwardly at a suddenly appearing mental image involving - _intriguingly _- Tonks, him, and a purple box of chocolate.

The werewolf at the bar was broken out of his reverie by a child, no more than six, who clambered unsteadily on to the seat next to Remus. She was adorable indeed, with curly golden tresses and huge hazel eyes, and she was clutching a large teddy bear that was missing both eyes and half an ear. "Hi!" the girl said, beaming up at Remus. He couldn't help smiling at the young girl, so misplaced in the dirty, grimy pub, with carefully cleaned hair and a pink dress.

"You shouldn't be talking to strangers," Remus remarked, taking another drink of scotch. "Where are your parents?"

The girl hugged the bear tightly with one hand, then pointed to one corner of the pub. "They're sitting there. I thought you looked lonely, so I came to talk to you. My name's Lily. What's yours?"

Remus shook his head slightly, memories of the late Lily Potter flooding his mind. When the thoughts dissolved, he smiled down at the young child again. "I'm Remus Lupin, Lily. Shouldn't you be with your family?" Remus glanced wistfully at the group of people merrily conversing in the corner. _If only_... he thought regretfully, then turned back to Lily. "They seem happy enough."

She studied his face carefully. "But you're not happy," Lily said, a note of sadness in her voice. Remus chuckled; this girl was such a picture-perfect example of innocence. It was almost impossible to think that he, a werewolf, had been this clean and free once.

The girl bit her lip, examining his expression with her head tilted slightly. Suddenly, her face brightened, and she said cheerfully, "Maybe you need a lady friend!"

Remus, shocked, stared at the girl, and she misinterpreted his confusion. "My older brother has a lady friend, and she makes him happy," Lily explained, all the while bobbing up and down on the spinning seat, her teddy bear meticulously placed on her lap.

Remus laughed, bitterly this time. "I believe it's difficult to find a lady friend when you're a werewolf," he said, mostly to himself.

Lily blinked, her large hazel eyes sparkling in the dim light. "Well, I think you're nice," she said decisively. "Besides, wouldn't a lady like what you're like inside?"

Staring at the girl, Remus barely choked out the word, "Really now?" as her words sank into his mind. Remus decided her youth disguised the true wisdom lying underneath.

Lily nodded, all the while starting to spin on the stool. "I bet you already have a lady friend," Lily said conversationally, as Remus blinked and gave her a puzzled glance. "I bet you just haven't got the nerve to tell her you like her."

Remus froze, his mind processing her words. He looked up to see her, just as she hopped off the seat with a dazzling smile that showed one missing front tooth. "I should go," she said merrily, "Mummy's probably waiting for me."

As the girl, with such wisdom beyond her years, hop-skipped back to her family's table, Remus rose and pulled on his cloak. He hesitated at the back door to the pub, then, a large smile spreading over his ageing features, Remus dashed into Diagon Alley.

Remus Lupin believed in properly wooing a woman; a monster he might have turned every month, but from tomes of old and whispered advice from friends, Remus had learned over the years exactly how a woman, the most beautiful of all Nature's creatures, should be pursued in a most gentlemanly manner.

There was no excuse, then, for Remus spending an additional hour in the magical backstreet among Muggle London; his heart custom-make this exquisite present for Tonks had finished, and, as he stared down at the work of art, Remus knew it was absolutely perfect.

* * *

Feeling rather bubbly and warm inside, the feeling of new love sweeping over him, Remus Apparated clumsily, missing his goal of Grimmauld Place but landing a few blocks away. Chuckling to himself as he once again checked the precious gift hidden within his robes (it had cost him more than a month's worth of food), Remus straightened to start walking back to Grimmauld - and he stopped in his tracks, an icy-cold wind breezing through his body and numbing his heart. 

Directly in front of him stood a couple, avidly showing one another their affection in the form of a passionate kiss. Usually, this would have not affected Remus in the least, but - his heart plummeted - the woman, dressed in a flowing black dress, with sleek chestnut hair, had one single strand of hair dangling from the otherwise immaculate bun.

It was a bright bubblegum pink.

Remus' primordial instinct was to break the couple apart, and why not break the man who had taken Tonks as _well_? However, his years of fragile self-control barely managed to conceal this growing rage. The logical part of his mind told Remus, in a quiet but chilly voice, that he should not have expected to win the woman after waiting so long, and his feet took advantage of his frozen brain to move and propel him forward.

Finally, the couple broke apart, and Tonks turned to look at Remus, completely surprised. Remus' self-control broke as he glanced at her lovely persona, and as he looked from one face to the other, his mouth automatically opened to utter a very cold "excuse me". Storming past the two, Remus' gaze flickered to Tonks, his eyes connecting to hers, and he saw there - nothing. A plain field of simple confusion, puzzlement, and slightly dazed recognition; no sadness, or anger, or even pity.

When Remus reached Grimmauld Place again, he slammed the door for a second time and rampaged up the stairs to his room, where he let the wind close his door with a resounding _BANG_. Sitting down on the chair of his desk, Remus took out the small box hidden within his patched robes, staring at it as his eyes glittered with unshed tears. A modestly simple green ribbon flowed from a neatly formed bow, the silky band standing out from the milky white of the square box.

Remus let his long fingers graze the ribbon, then ripped it off the box. Lifting the lid, his eyes examined the small item inside.

It was not a ring, or a necklace, or even a pair of earrings; inside the small box lay, on a bed of emerald green cloth, a tiny hairpin. It was made of a polished silver, and though Remus dared not touch it, his eyes took in every lovely detail. On the accessory was a tiny flower, perfectly captured in shining silver as it began to bloom. The half-open petals revealed a gleaming opal. The gem sparkled purple, green, pink and yellow as the dim light from Remus' desktop lamp hit it.

Remus reached into the box, pausing as his hand was a millimetre away from the silvery metal, then gently stroked the silver flower. Ignoring the burning pain which intensified as his skin came in contact with the substance, Remus remembered why he had chosen the flower. A sign of innocence, purity, young beauty - exactly what Remus had known - no, _thought_ - Tonks to be. He closed his eyes, painful images of minutes ago branding in his memory. As one hand shut the ivory coloured box, the other reached for a bottle of amber alcohol sitting on the shelf just above Remus' desk.

He reached for the _scotch_.

* * *

**  
A/N**: I felt in the mood for a horribly depressing one-shot, and I decided Remus would be the one for punishment. (sniffles) 

Obviously, this is a cut scene from my multichapter story,_ It All Comes From Being a Chronic Chocoholic_. However, it can be read as a stand-alone, though some aspects of it might not be as clear. It really would be better if you read _Chocoholic_. Not to shamelessly self-promote, of course (coughs).

Remember to read and review! XD


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